A recent series of articles in the Journal of Career Assessment has explored the connection between interest and well-being. The premise is that stable, enduring interests (like those that are measured by interest inventories) lead to an emotionally satisfying life and a sense of fulfillment as a part of well-being.
In other words, doing what interests and motivates you makes you happy. It is nice of the career assessment people to provide a scientific framework for what is intuitively obvious. The problem for most people, however, is that they rarely take the time or make the effort to identify, clarify, and specify what those motivated interests are. And even if they take that first step, they rarely go on to set goals and make a specific plan to pursue those interests.
In my many years of clinical practice, I have met hundreds of people who cannot even identify their strongest interests, or answer the simple question: What makes you happy? And most people have to really stop and think about the answer to the question: What kind of work makes you happy? It is surprising that many individuals simply accept the premise that work is work, and is not supposed to make you happy.
It is important to do self-assessment at all stages of life; self awareness takes effort and time and sometimes requires the use of counselors or assessment tools. Very few people have a clear idea of who they are, and even fewer create a plan to meet their needs.
One interesting exercise is to ask people who know you well to give you feedback about yourself. Family members, close friends, and coworkers that work with you every day may have important insights to offer you. Of course, once you do this type of self-awareness exercise, you may decide to make some changes, accept some challenges and become a happier person- so proceed with caution....
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Keeping New Year's Resolutions
One study showed that while most people make new year's resolutions, nearly all of them failed to keep them (98%!). There are a few things you can do to dramatically improve your odds, however. The main thing is to set some realistic goals, and be specific. Instead of resolving to "stick to a budget this year," and then blowing it after a few weeks and giving up- while feeling like a failure- try to be realistic. Set a goal of sticking to a budget for the month of January, and giving yourself $20 of 'mad money' to spend. After you succeed for the first month, pat yourself on the back and set a goal for Febuary.
An online survey also showed that there are other things that dramatically improve your odds.
1. Ask for the support of family, coworkers, or friends in meeting your goals.
2. Stay away from people and situations that sabatage your good intentions- that one 'friend' that always talks you into dessert, or stopping for a drink, or buying that sweater.
3. Reward yourself for reaching intermediate goals.
4. Identify the motivations and values that underly the resolution. For "sticking to a budget" the motive might be to create a college fund for your son, or have a savings account for the next economic crisis.
5. Improve your knowledge and/or skills, by reading a book or taking a class that supports your dedication to a goal.
My personal favorite strategy is to build in tolerance for a slip, or allow for a failure, knowing I won't be perfect in my resolve. That creates an opportunity to succeed even when I mess up, and I can coach myself back on track, perhaps even learning how to avoid that pitfall in the future.
An online survey also showed that there are other things that dramatically improve your odds.
1. Ask for the support of family, coworkers, or friends in meeting your goals.
2. Stay away from people and situations that sabatage your good intentions- that one 'friend' that always talks you into dessert, or stopping for a drink, or buying that sweater.
3. Reward yourself for reaching intermediate goals.
4. Identify the motivations and values that underly the resolution. For "sticking to a budget" the motive might be to create a college fund for your son, or have a savings account for the next economic crisis.
5. Improve your knowledge and/or skills, by reading a book or taking a class that supports your dedication to a goal.
My personal favorite strategy is to build in tolerance for a slip, or allow for a failure, knowing I won't be perfect in my resolve. That creates an opportunity to succeed even when I mess up, and I can coach myself back on track, perhaps even learning how to avoid that pitfall in the future.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
New beginnings, life changes, a New Year.
A friend of mine was recently remarried, and approached the event with some powerful mixed emotions: fear, excitement, anxiety, anticipation, joy, apprehension-- you get the picture.
Anyone who has been divorced can tell you that marriage is a frightening proposition, and it was certainly true for me. But it is also one of life’s turning points, and it changes your path, creates opportunities and opens new doors to the future. Reflecting on my changing life circumstances always leads me to further recognize how many opportunities for new beginnings there are, if we pay attention. Marriage, school graduations, landmark birthdays, moving to a new house, and changing jobs are obvious opportunities to break bad habits and meet new challenges.
Less obvious opportunities, like new growth after a forest fire, seem to emerge from the ashes of a death in the family, a divorce, or a natural disaster. I have heard from clients in my practice how some wonderful changes have developed from a failure, a lost relationship, or an illness. I once met a woman who had lost her two children in a boating accident. Out of her grief came a dedication to raising foster children, who in turn had given her many years of joy.
Apart from the growth that occurs with healing from a tragedy, and the obvious opportunity that comes with a marriage, New Year’s Day, or graduation from high school or college, there are less clearly defined chances for new beginnings. Planting a garden every spring is a chance to do things differently, to cultivate new techniques. It is possible to make a commitment to change every Sunday morning, whether you go to church or not. It is possible to use the sunrise on a cold winter day as an occasion for reflection on new personal goals, and the steps to achieve them.
Some of the greatest opportunities for starting over can be found in the details of everyday life. Whenever I remember that I am contributing to the beauty in my life (and easing the concerns of my neighbors), I enjoy mowing the lawn. One of my friends witnessed one of my other friends throwing a golf club in frustration one day. He asked what would one of the patients on a cancer ward think about the importance of a golf shot, and provided all of us with the opportunity for a new perspective.
It doesn’t have to take a near death experience or a wedding to inspire us to change. Just stop. Take a deep breath. Take a mindful look around and contemplate the possibilities.
Anyone who has been divorced can tell you that marriage is a frightening proposition, and it was certainly true for me. But it is also one of life’s turning points, and it changes your path, creates opportunities and opens new doors to the future. Reflecting on my changing life circumstances always leads me to further recognize how many opportunities for new beginnings there are, if we pay attention. Marriage, school graduations, landmark birthdays, moving to a new house, and changing jobs are obvious opportunities to break bad habits and meet new challenges.
Less obvious opportunities, like new growth after a forest fire, seem to emerge from the ashes of a death in the family, a divorce, or a natural disaster. I have heard from clients in my practice how some wonderful changes have developed from a failure, a lost relationship, or an illness. I once met a woman who had lost her two children in a boating accident. Out of her grief came a dedication to raising foster children, who in turn had given her many years of joy.
Apart from the growth that occurs with healing from a tragedy, and the obvious opportunity that comes with a marriage, New Year’s Day, or graduation from high school or college, there are less clearly defined chances for new beginnings. Planting a garden every spring is a chance to do things differently, to cultivate new techniques. It is possible to make a commitment to change every Sunday morning, whether you go to church or not. It is possible to use the sunrise on a cold winter day as an occasion for reflection on new personal goals, and the steps to achieve them.
Some of the greatest opportunities for starting over can be found in the details of everyday life. Whenever I remember that I am contributing to the beauty in my life (and easing the concerns of my neighbors), I enjoy mowing the lawn. One of my friends witnessed one of my other friends throwing a golf club in frustration one day. He asked what would one of the patients on a cancer ward think about the importance of a golf shot, and provided all of us with the opportunity for a new perspective.
It doesn’t have to take a near death experience or a wedding to inspire us to change. Just stop. Take a deep breath. Take a mindful look around and contemplate the possibilities.
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